I don't fit in

I've never quite understood this.
I don't fit in.

It doesn't really bother me so much now as it fascinates me. Some people fit in. I don't fit in anywhere, so I fit in everywhere.
If I were placed in a room with several different types of people, I could socialize with them all. But I wouldn't belong to any of their groups.
This is the little luggage I carry when I think of attending writer's groups or conferences. It's what keeps me from trucking it up to the city to go to OWFI. The feeling that I'll arrive up there and look like an absolute idiot.
I'm afraid I'll show up, and they'll look at me like "What in the blue hell is your hick ass doing here?" When I could just stay at home and have my hick ass working. And not feel so out of place.
I'm not polished. At all. I say what I mean. Never in a hurtful way. But very plainspoken. I think that shocks people. If I'm in a line at Wal-Mart, I get to the register, and the cashier asks, "How are you doing?" I'll tell him/her. "Ready to go home." "Tired." "Ready to give my children away." There's always a pause. And then laughter. Because they feel the same way.
No need to say "Fine" when I'm not.
Many reviewers ask me..."What part of you is in your characters?" THIS ONE. Always this one. Plainspoken. Honest. And that not-quite-fitting-in feel. Until the characters find that someone who doesn't fit in either. But complements them. Two halves of a whole. Complete.

This doesn't help my "fitting in" issue. But I'm not so concerned about that as I am people who sacrifice pieces of themselves to find acceptance. What cost acceptance if not all of you is accepted?

Off the chat box. Onto other things.
I see I was quote happy in my post. *grins* Insert Oklahoma twang when you read that.
I'll be working on my Contemporary Erotic Romance today. And possibly Book 1 in a Paranormal series.
Also, I'm part of a chat tonight at Coffee Time Romance. I thought it was last night and found myself in the chat room by myself. Long day, people. LONG DAY. So now I have my days straight and may actually show up when everyone else does.
There are four or five of us who will be chatting about the LOVE An Anthology from Whiskey Creek Press. I've got two stories in there. One about a man and his Muse. The other about a scarred woman and her attempt to heal herself and find love. The chat is at 9 pm EST at the site. Stop by if you like.
Grins*