I won't be online this weekend, so I'm sending this out to all those ladies out there with chickens of their own. And well, everybody. Because we didn't hatch now, did we? lmao
Here's a story from MSNBC. And I find it truly hilarious.
Hope you enjoy:
Postcards From Yo Momma is one of those Web sites that makes you slap your forehead and say, "Why didn't I think of that?" It's such a simple idea: invite people to submit unintentionally funny, and sometimes sweet, e-mails from their mothers. You know the ones--the naggy notes, the worried pleas, the guilt-grams, the ALL CAPS missives, the technologically panicked cries for help and the e-mails from moms who compulsively forward dire health warnings to their kids. (Munchausen's by Internet anyone?)
"Call me. I suffer," writes one mom.
And another: "tell me about face book. do you have a page on it? can anyone look at your page? I am worried about this type of thing."
Then there's the short, but direct variety: "std's are on the rise. love, mom."
Here are excerpts of some of our favorite e-mails and IMs submitted to the site:
***Have fun in Houston . Keep in touch with your strawberry
***good news!Our insurance covers : THE HPV VACCINATION.but, this is NOT a license to have wild, unprotected sex, y'know!! hehehhehehee.xox,mom
***Mom: hi kid. on the way to jumble java, i started crying. the kids are moving in to the dorms today and i saw a dad hugging his daughter goodbye and i lost it. that feeling never goes away.
Me: don't be lame, mom
Mom: i hope i live long enough to see you experience the same feeling. and i'm not lame.
Me: well at the rate i'm going, i doubt you'll be around to see my kids go to college. even if i do have some, they'll have three heads because i won't have them until i'm 50.
Mom: well then it will be three times as hard to say goodbye.
***Dad and I deposited some money into your bank account since it looks like you blew your last paycheck at H&M.
Mummy has to go away on a boat that Daddy will be driving or floating or whatever one does with boats and what with sharks and stingrays and lord only knows what, and also with not being able to swim and with your father being the captain
I'm probably going to drown so I just wanted you to know that this is the sort of thing I go along with because I love daddy so much and I want him to think I'm a sporty, athletic, floatable kind of person instead of, you know, a middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness. Also I wanted to say that I always loved you best of all my children and you must fight for 80% of The Will (I'm taking your father down with me, if I go.... And name all your grandchildren Judith. Even the boys. If I had to put up with it they can too....
Jenname: Look at you on Gmail!
mom: How did this happen?
me: How did what happen?
mom: How did you know I was on Gmail? and I didn't know it had IM.
me: I am something of a genius, mom.
***Hi Son, We already sent the response card to your uncle but try calling him or Amy and try asking if you could bring a friend to the wedding. You are about the same age and you played with her while you were kids.For your second question, we usually just let them figure it out. Just wear a appropriate outfit and I like your hair shorter like last time. Being gay i genetic, maybe Dad's side, and we will always love you and we are very proud of you. We are just glad that God gave us two wonderful children.
Love, Dad and Mom
***... We just got a Tivo in the living room. I like it, but I can't figure out how to work it. But Mo knows how, so hopefully she can just keep programming it til me and Dad are dead. Love you!
***... I heard on the radio that people can google themselves. I've done a lot of things to myself before, but I've never googled myself.
***I love you. I will pray for you. Be sure and take some kind of i.d. so if your plane crashes and burns they will know who to call. Hope you do that on all your trips anyway. That way if I don't get a dreadful call, I will know you are just fine and happy.
***This is the best article I have seen on the risks associated with oral sex and how to reduce them. I had never heard of a dental dam before. Please do read this. Love, Mom
***I was in the car listening to the radio, and who is this "shorty" they keep talking about in rap songs?
***me: hi mom
mom: hi pookie...i just booked tickets for zumanity. miss you
me: What is zumanity?mom: it is a very erotic show that explores sexuality. hopefully dad will enjoy it. Lol. it is at new york new york where we are staying
me: oh dear lord. does dad know about this?
mom: yeah....it explores gay stuff too. he he. he shold be ok...there are boobs in it too. zumanity.com
me: well i can't click on that right now because i'm at work
mom: oh...maybe later then
***Lazy boy,I was very surprised to hear your message last night. I already forgot I still have a son in Chicago.
***Lori (Greg's) is pregnant-by the way, she is 31. Also Michelle (Ted's) is expecting in August.
***Me: Do you read my blog? I can track who is reading it and I think you may be. Me no likey mother.
Mom: What's a blag?
Me: It is a sin to lie. Don't play coy with me!! Are you reading my "online journal"?
Mom: I barely have time to call you! I don't know how to do my space or whatever it is. You may recall that when I asked you about how it worked, you never showed me.
***If you are ever thinking about giving up your (beautiful custom handmade) dresser unit, (that Tom made for YOU), please let me know before you throw it out. I really do know that you and Charles are not into wood, and you'd like to get something new, sleek and chrome, silver, or whatever. I've discussed this with Tom. It won't hurt any body's feelings, at this point in time. I can't imagine that you would hold onto something as a keepsake. Please let me know. asap. It's really OK.
6 months ago