What does my birthdate mean? Well, let me tell ya.

Your Birthdate: February 18

You are a cohesive force - able to bring many people together for a common cause. You tend to excel in work situations, but you also facilitate a lot of social gatherings too. Beyond being a good leader, you are good at inspiring others. You also keep your powerful emotions in check - you know when to emote and when to repress. Your strength: Emotional maturity beyond your years Your weakness: Wearing yourself down with too many responsibilities Your power color: Crimson red Your power symbol: Snowflake Your power month: September

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You want to nip/tuck where???

Yeah, ok. I'll admit it. I've been checking out Foxnews.com and MSNBC.com. *sigh*
Should have known better.

And what do I see? A new kind of plastic surgery that I just NEED to blog about.
Apparently, there are ladies out there getting their goodies worked over. I'm not talking in the breastal area. Oh no. I'm talking nether region goodies.
I am horrified.
There is talk about the justification of having a tighter, more aesthetically pleasing goody area.
And to this I respond...are you freaking kidding me?

So I'm flipping through a magazine in the staff area, and what do I see?
A half page ad for clvri.com. I shit you not. The Central Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute.
We have an institute for this. Process that for a moment.
A client can have Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation. Or perhaps, Designer Laser Vaginoplasty.
And then...there's the G shot.
This is also known as G-spot amplification. Ok. Let's all think about this. You're getting a shot to enlarge this lovely little spot. Pretty soon, you'll be taping it down. But, just think, if you have a healthy sneeze, you'd probably be happy all day. *grins*

I don't personally check myself out. I realize that started back in the sixties. Women with mirrors examining every nook and cranny. Methinks my nooks and crannies are fine. And if they're not *shrug* go play with someone else's.
And what are these women gonna do?
"Gee. Take a little off the top. And maybe a bit on the right side."
Or are they going to bring in a Playboy and point with a smile. "Yeah. I'll have what she's having."
Sheesh. Seriously.
This is for women with more money than sense. Or women with partners who are constantly trying to fit their women into some specific pigeonhole.
Screw that.
And keep your laser away from my goodies.
Grins*

Randomness

I. Am. Tired.

I, unfortunately, have to come into contact with a person everyday who has a stick up her ass. By God, if she's miserable, everybody else should be, too. *eye roll*
This, also, is really, really old.

Mowed the lawn yesterday. Bought "The Hollow" by Nora Roberts. Read it last night, too. Liked it better than the first. She had a great heroine in the first book. A great hero in the second. And the third has two strong characters that ought to spark ALL kinds of interesting conversations.

Thinking about a trip up to the Northeast this Summer. Plans in motion. Let ya know how it turns out. This is tied into a lovely relationship I'm in.

Hotter than hell here. So thick you could cut the air with a knife.

Writing tomorrow. Chilling out since I was a good girl *snicker* yesterday and did all my running around.
Monday finds me and the chickens at Mom's for a cookout and a little meeting with the new family pet.

I was going to go off on a tangent about something or other. More than likely the unfortunate irritating people that I sometimes come into contact with. But, ya know, they just don't deserve the space on my blog.

Reading "The Last Lecture." Only about three chapters in. And although I'm not a big fan of non-fiction, this reads like the author is talking to me. I love it.

Craving chocolate. Send mine with nuts.

All the good TV is gone for awhile. Have to dip into the summer fare, I suppose. Or I can just let the chickens play Sims.
O
M
G
There is honestly nothing funnier than watching them manage these virtual people. And it's rather telling. I get to see how they react to others, the stuff they like, and what they like to do. Interesting.
And then there's the Oldest Chicken singing the Hairspray soundtrack at the top of her lungs.
Never a dull moment at my house, let me assure you.
In fact, I can't remember the last time we even turned the TV on.
Hmmmm...imagine that.

I'm going to wrap it up. Rest my wee brain.
Have a great holiday weekend!!!
Grins*

For the love of all that's good...

...I'll update everyone Saturday.
Because, brace yourself, it's gonna be a LONG one.
Grins*

8th Grade Promotion

Yesterday was busy!!!
Got off work at noon and started the running around. Zipped to Cato's and bought a new shirt. Then Dollar Tree to pick up some decorations. Then Wal-Mart. Zipped home. Took a shower. Picked up the chickens. Raced back to town. Had Oldest Chicken's hair straightened.

It took an hour.

Her hair is so thick and curly that I honestly was climbing the walls because we didn't get out of there until five. STILL had to go to Wal-Mart for her clothes. THEN drive 25 minutes home.

o

m

g

So we hurry out of the hair place and to Wal-Mart. Probably the fastest shopping trip for me in awhile. THEN we got behind this freaking lady who had NO idea what the hell she was doing in the self-checkout. I was soooooooooooo not thinking charitable thoughts.

By this time, it's about twenty til six, and I still have a long drive. And OC was supposed to be there by 6:15. AND...we had to go by the house first and collect her gown and the rest of the family.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

So I'm driving down I-40.

Okay...I'm driving like a bat out of hell down I-40. Made it home in record time. Slammed the sodas in the fridge. Grabbed my camera. Shuffled off to school.

sheesh

It was SUCH a wonderful graduation!!! Oldest Chicken looked so good. And yeah, I gotta admit, there may have been a few tears when they called her name. *smile*

Then we went home and took so many pictures that OC said that there were dots everywhere.

lmao

Yeah, I got carried away.

*grins*

So I've got a fridge full of KFC. Freezer full of ice-cream. And a chicken headed off to high school.

Isn't it great???

Grins*

I had the weirdest dream...

...about Angelina and Brad.

I think this stems from the fact that I read yesterday that Angelina is expecting twins. And how she "loves" to be pregnant.
I think she's a nut, anyway. This just confirms my suspicions. *grins*
Brad was born in the same city I was. I think maybe my wee brain made a connection there somewhere. Because for some reason, they came to visit me and the girls. And I think we were related or something.
They're all sneaking around and trying to not to be noticed.
And somehow, we were all great friends.
It was all rather odd.
No more MSNBC for me.
Grins*

RANT

Yes
I've brewed long enough. Now I'll spew forth my opinion on several topics. Woe to those who don't like profanity. Pleasanter blogs to come later.
*******************************************************************
Don't judge me. Don't judge my actions because that's not the way you would have acted. Don't judge my grief because you don't approve. Don't you fucking dare look at me for an apology for emotions that are out of my control.
Don't manipulate every situation to suit yourself. Don't throw your hands in the fucking air, leave everything to me, then get pissed off because I took action. Screw you.
Just
damn
don't
****
Don't judge oldest chicken because of the clothes she wears. A man four times her age doesn't have the right to talk about her because it suits him. Shame on you. And aren't you old enough to know better? And by the way, the girls' school wants females to wear dresses at promotion. OC doesn't own a dress. I've fired off a letter this morning informing the principal she'll be wearing nice dress pants. Don't pull your authoritarian bullshit with me. It's gender bias, in my opinion.
****
How DARE you fucked-up people have children and lock them in the basement! Or train them to be a dominatrix at eleven! Or any of that other sick bullshit that the world almost didn't find out about.
There's a special place in hell for people like you.
****
How DARE you hike gas prices up when people are barely making it as it is. And then the government wants people to spend the stimulus money on luxuries? Luxuries right now are food and gas, you presidential jackass.
****
How dare you dress your child(ren) in rags while your hair is perfectly manicured and so are your fingernails. You're a pathetic excuse for a human being.
**************************************************************************
Ah.
I feel better.
*breathing deeply*
Nicer blog to come this evening.
Crystal*

Happy Mother's Day!!!

I won't be online this weekend, so I'm sending this out to all those ladies out there with chickens of their own. And well, everybody. Because we didn't hatch now, did we? lmao
Here's a story from MSNBC. And I find it truly hilarious.
Hope you enjoy:
Postcards From Yo Momma is one of those Web sites that makes you slap your forehead and say, "Why didn't I think of that?" It's such a simple idea: invite people to submit unintentionally funny, and sometimes sweet, e-mails from their mothers. You know the ones--the naggy notes, the worried pleas, the guilt-grams, the ALL CAPS missives, the technologically panicked cries for help and the e-mails from moms who compulsively forward dire health warnings to their kids. (Munchausen's by Internet anyone?)
"Call me. I suffer," writes one mom.
And another: "tell me about face book. do you have a page on it? can anyone look at your page? I am worried about this type of thing."
Then there's the short, but direct variety: "std's are on the rise. love, mom."
Here are excerpts of some of our favorite e-mails and IMs submitted to the site:
***Have fun in Houston . Keep in touch with your strawberry
***good news!Our insurance covers : THE HPV VACCINATION.but, this is NOT a license to have wild, unprotected sex, y'know!! hehehhehehee.xox,mom
***Mom: hi kid. on the way to jumble java, i started crying. the kids are moving in to the dorms today and i saw a dad hugging his daughter goodbye and i lost it. that feeling never goes away.
:( mom
Me: don't be lame, mom
Mom: i hope i live long enough to see you experience the same feeling. and i'm not lame.
Me: well at the rate i'm going, i doubt you'll be around to see my kids go to college. even if i do have some, they'll have three heads because i won't have them until i'm 50.
Mom: well then it will be three times as hard to say goodbye.
***Dad and I deposited some money into your bank account since it looks like you blew your last paycheck at H&M.
***Dear Child:
Mummy has to go away on a boat that Daddy will be driving or floating or whatever one does with boats and what with sharks and stingrays and lord only knows what, and also with not being able to swim and with your father being the captain
I'm probably going to drown so I just wanted you to know that this is the sort of thing I go along with because I love daddy so much and I want him to think I'm a sporty, athletic, floatable kind of person instead of, you know, a middle aged lump of non-swimming-ness. Also I wanted to say that I always loved you best of all my children and you must fight for 80% of The Will (I'm taking your father down with me, if I go.... And name all your grandchildren Judith. Even the boys. If I had to put up with it they can too....
Much love
Mummy
***me: mother?
mom: Hey
Jenname: Look at you on Gmail!
mom: How did this happen?
me: How did what happen?
mom: How did you know I was on Gmail? and I didn't know it had IM.
me: I am something of a genius, mom.
***Hi Son, We already sent the response card to your uncle but try calling him or Amy and try asking if you could bring a friend to the wedding. You are about the same age and you played with her while you were kids.For your second question, we usually just let them figure it out. Just wear a appropriate outfit and I like your hair shorter like last time. Being gay i genetic, maybe Dad's side, and we will always love you and we are very proud of you. We are just glad that God gave us two wonderful children.
Love, Dad and Mom
***... We just got a Tivo in the living room. I like it, but I can't figure out how to work it. But Mo knows how, so hopefully she can just keep programming it til me and Dad are dead. Love you!
***... I heard on the radio that people can google themselves. I've done a lot of things to myself before, but I've never googled myself.
***I love you. I will pray for you. Be sure and take some kind of i.d. so if your plane crashes and burns they will know who to call. Hope you do that on all your trips anyway. That way if I don't get a dreadful call, I will know you are just fine and happy.
***This is the best article I have seen on the risks associated with oral sex and how to reduce them. I had never heard of a dental dam before. Please do read this. Love, Mom
***I was in the car listening to the radio, and who is this "shorty" they keep talking about in rap songs?
***me: hi mom
mom: hi pookie...i just booked tickets for zumanity. miss you
me: What is zumanity?mom: it is a very erotic show that explores sexuality. hopefully dad will enjoy it. Lol. it is at new york new york where we are staying
me: oh dear lord. does dad know about this?
mom: yeah....it explores gay stuff too. he he. he shold be ok...there are boobs in it too. zumanity.com
me: well i can't click on that right now because i'm at work
mom: oh...maybe later then
***Lazy boy,I was very surprised to hear your message last night. I already forgot I still have a son in Chicago.
***Lori (Greg's) is pregnant-by the way, she is 31. Also Michelle (Ted's) is expecting in August.
***Me: Do you read my blog? I can track who is reading it and I think you may be. Me no likey mother.
Mom: What's a blag?
Me: It is a sin to lie. Don't play coy with me!! Are you reading my "online journal"?
Mom: I barely have time to call you! I don't know how to do my space or whatever it is. You may recall that when I asked you about how it worked, you never showed me.
***If you are ever thinking about giving up your (beautiful custom handmade) dresser unit, (that Tom made for YOU), please let me know before you throw it out. I really do know that you and Charles are not into wood, and you'd like to get something new, sleek and chrome, silver, or whatever. I've discussed this with Tom. It won't hurt any body's feelings, at this point in time. I can't imagine that you would hold onto something as a keepsake. Please let me know. asap. It's really OK.
***paulhiitsyourmomtryingtolearnemailitsverycoldheretoday-degreesyesterdaywas38hopethisworkslovemom
*******************************************************
LMAO
Grins*

Love me some nose spray

This morning I was rocking along with my bad self. Semi-conscious (which I really all I can ask for at 7:15 am). Took a couple of mucinex for my cough. All is well. Still wore the hell out but actually ambulatory.
Now it's 4:35. My nostrils are closing up. I can just feel them. And what did I forget? WHAT DID I FORGET???
The damn nose spray. *sigh* But it's a short sigh. Because currently my nostrils aren't working.
pffffttttt
For the love of God.

I think I forgot to tell everyone that my favorite bra broke. I only mention this because I'm currently wearing one that I've never worn before, and um, not sure if I like it or not. My favorite was a lovely maroon. And it broke after I went to go put it on after tanning.
O
M
G
That's right. At lunch. You know...that short period of time you have between leaving work and going back to it?
Lucky for me, I kinda had this two shirt thing going on. Actually one shirt but it had this underthingy sewn in. So I just bip back to work with the girls swinging free and easy. *grins*
Wasn't too obvious, thank God. Or I may have had to book it home.
But that brings me back to the bra I have on now.
Not sure if I care for it or not.
It's a lovely red lacy job. Embroidery here and there. *shrug* Just not the same.
There really is something about finding the perfect bra. Oh, and the fact that I toasted my tatas tanning today.
Try that on for some hellacious alliteration.
Grins*

It's Wednesday? You don't say.

I worked Saturday. And I use the term "work" loosely. I vaguely remember inhaling decongestants at a rapid rate of speed. The day is, quite frankly, a blur. I called in Monday and Tuesday because I honestly thought my sinuses were going to explode. Today is a bit better, but I still have the lovely cough that reminds me of why I adore my bed so much.
*sigh*
Didn't write AT ALL Monday. Consciousness was a perk that day. But I did write a bit yesterday. Couple thousand words on WATS and around three thousand on Earth Goddess.
So I'm feeling a little better about life in general. I'm also in the midst of editing Wind Goddess.
It's another lovely day here in Oklahoma. The sun is hiding, and the rain is coming down like a mother. Thank God the chickens are in school. Because they spazz out in weather like this. LOL
I usually work a late night tonight but didn't because of a schedule change and a meeting. So I'll be going home at a decent hour and making some chicken and mac 'n' cheese. And then finding my lovely pillow and getting horizontal on my couch. Mebbe tap out a few more words. Depends on how the day treats me.
Grins*

Water chickens

Waterfalls in Oklahoma...who knew?

How we spent Friday

Yeah. I slid off that sucker. TWICE! Even though I was shared shitless.

I promised the chickens. And let me tell you...it may not look like much, but I'm probably missing about a decade of my life now. Middle Chicken is on top.

WHAT?

Last weekend I only had two chickens. This weekend I will have my three plus two more.
Yeah.
Do the math.
I let Middle Chicken convince me that two of her lovely friends should come over. From Friday evening until Sunday afternoon.
I really don't think there's enough Xanax in the world. But that's just me.
Seem to be dragging my ass lately. No energy. Sucked down a Red Bull this morning in the industrial size can. Allergies are acting up. So I balanced out my Red Bull with a decongestant.
*grins*
The results should be, ah, interesting.
Last night I worked late, and the chickens, once again, decided to grace me with their presence until about twelve-thirty. I need the lowdown, of course. So it's all good.
Until I have to prop my peepers open with toothpicks. Then it's all downhill. pfffttttt
Working on the writing this weekend. Going to tune out the short people. Stock up on snacks and movies. Let them go to town with it.
And did I mention that at least one of the other two adopted chickies is JUST LIKE Middle Chicken?
Oh yeah. *grins* It's like having a blond Middle Chicken in my midst.
I'm off work tomorrow. Taking the chickens (who are out EVERY Friday in the month of May) on a field trip.
Pictures to come.
Grins*