When I lost me

I seem to find bits of myself now. Little pieces I thought I lost along the past year. Some are probably gone forever. Some a bit beat up. But some are exactly what I need when I need it.

I'm in a better place now. A place I haven't seen in oh-so-many years. A place where I can recognize myself with all my fallacies and foibles. And I'm well with it. Because this is it. And some people really don't get it.
There's no second go-round. You don't get to zip right back to your life after it's gone.
It's...well...gone.

The decisions you make today affect tomorrow and every day past that. And not only do your decisions affect yourself, there's a ripple effect. Little pieces of your energy bouncing off or clinging to others in your life.
You don't get to throw up your hands and say DO OVER!!! Nope. No such luxury.

Every bit of hatefulness you spout comes back to you.
Every bit of spitefulness that you feel so righteous in sharing will eventually bite you on the ass.
Every time you dismiss someone or something out of hand...you'll regret it.

On the other hand...
Every bit of love you offer to the world will return to you tenfold.
Every kind word will echo in your and the recipient's heart for an eternity.
Every loving gesture makes all the difference in the world.

Don't wrap yourself in martyrdom and tell yourself that you feel validated. Accept your shortcomings. Your errors. Your life.
And then start to build on a foundation that will carry you and yours through the hard times.
My best,
Crystal*

Yesterday and today

I took yesterday off.
And OMG! It was absolutely glorious!!!

Had my hair done in the morning. Cut, colored, and highlighted. But I want stronger highlights, so I'll be going back for more next week. Came back to town and shopped a bit.
Picked the chickens up some clothes.
And some for me, too!
A new pair of jeans, a top, and new undies. *grins*
Love me some undies. And if that's possibly TMI...Too Damn Bad. lmaoooooooooo
(Oh! And guess what? My jeans are a size smaller than they were. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

Today is a bit hectic. Back at work. We have people out again. So we're a bit shorthanded. Hasn't been too terribly bad. *knock on wood* We'll see how the afternoon pans out.
Hoping for the best.

I think I had a dream last night about WATS. Hmmmmm...it's a vague recollection. But interesting. This is the story that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. So I'm just going to hop on and take it where it leads me. It's rather exciting. *grins*
OK. And slightly scary as hell. :)~~

We're closed Monday for MLK Day. The chickens and I will have to go get into something.
Be afraid.
Be VERY afraid.
Grins*

Writing perks

Morning, y'all!

I have a bit of good news. Programmed for Pleasure is #1 on Fictionwise for Whiskey Creek Press. And it's #15 out of over 4000 in the Erotic section. *grins*
(late correction: #8!!!)
So that tends to perk one up on a sleepy Monday morning.
I also have my fingers crossed for a good review from Romantic Times Magazine for this one. That'll be out the next issue, March 2008.

Also a possibility that the local newspaper may interview me. This...ought to be interesting. *laughing*

Worked on Wind Goddess this weekend. And my little noggin' is mulling over possibilities for WATS and SWTWC. Just a whole bunch of ideas bouncing around.

More good news!!!
THE PACKERS WON!!!
Oh yes. It's true. *grins* And don't think I wasn't yelling and freaking my children out Sunday because of it. LOL
So that means that the Packers and Giants will play for the NFC Championship. Then the winner of that one goes to the SUPER BOWL!!!

*ahem*
Though it will be a tad bit easier to focus on the um...writing...when it's not football season.
*scuffing toe* Such as it is.

Have a good one! Even if it IS Monday.
How about...in spite of it?
Grins*

Writing

Hello my lovelies!

It's all about the writing today.

What shall I endeavor to impart today? Words of wisdom? Precious pearls of pithiness? Annoying alliteration?
Obviously.
*grins*

I simply want to talk about the writing.

When I talked at Red Dirt, I tried to stress the importance of writers listening to their literary souls. Because when that voice is heard and validated, the writing is as it should be. I'm not talking Hemingway here. But I'm speaking to the deep sense of satisfaction writers feel when the words convey what we selected them to convey.
Ah, bliss.

I find my writing pattern changes with the wind nowadays. I let my schizophrenic tendencies take over. Whether that means writing out of order (a major occurence as of late) or simply working on four different works at the same time (my desktop is NOT loverly), I embrace that. Because that's in my literary comfort zone.

Gone are the days when I had all the free time in the world to sit down and conjure up a fictional world. Long gone, my friends. Now I snatch time as I can from the steely jaws of Father Time (I wonder...does he REALLY have steely jaws?) and work with what I am able to work with.
So each word is precious.

I HATE the delete button. I really, really do. Say I'm bipping along, weaving my story, and I hit a speed bump. When I, myself, am taken out of the story. THIS is the Kiss of Death. If I can't even follow it, who the hell else is going to? But I never continue in the same vein. Deleting a sentence or two is fine. Deleting half a page makes me look extremely hard at my cocktail selection.

I also know, when starting any one novel, whether it is more traditional romance fare or the naughty stuff.
(You know I love both.)
But with a title like Programmed for Pleasure...methinks that an explanation of content would be unnecessary. *grins*

I find that the more accepting of my style, the easier the writing. When I looked back on this past year and realized Programmed for Pleasure released in November 2007 and Water Goddess released in December 2007, I was amazed. Just a month apart.
And the fascination with this?
Programmed for Pleasure is a Controversial Romance. There is sex aplenty. There are toys, voyeurism, and other such things.
Water Goddess has one integral love scene.
A complete dichotomy of my books.
But yet, undeniable extensions of me.
And I'm well with that.

So I'm simply saying...be who you are. Write what you know or what fascinates you.
Don't shut down those voices in your head (Wait...is that just me???).
Embrace who you are. The life you can bring to your story.
And don't be afraid to foray into paths less travelled.
THAT'S when the real story begins.
Grins*

Are you kidding me???

Yesterday, work was fine. I was an overachiever, actually. Did my job plus several other extras.
Fine and dandy.

When I arrived at work this morning, the computer network was down. That, my friends, was the beginning of the end.
Of my sanity.

We were also short a worker. So the two people in my department (my boss and I) were it. Me=highly displeased.
And she had two meetings today.
One in the morning. One this afternoon.
Me=slightly homicidal.

Boss called in a sub (Thank the Lord!!!). And that lightened the load a bit. But it simply seemed to be one hideous thing after another this morning.
K and I looked at each other and were like...hmmm...time to shut the doors and find a cocktail with our name on it.
The good news?
That'll happen after work today.
A bunch of us are going to go to a local pub and celebrate a couple of birthdays and my Romantic Times nomination. (I like to squeeze that in whenever I can. The cocktail AND the mention of my nomination. *grins*)

So. I'm biding my time. Watching the clock. And waiting to start my weekend.
Because, dear Lord, it HAS to get better.

Grins*

Wonders never cease

Wow.
My second blog post in as many days.
*checking my head for a fever*

There was a bit of a discussion today at work this morning about the honor I received from Romantic Times Magazine.
Several co-workers would like to see if there's possibly a way to fundraise or seek funds so that I can go to Pittsburgh.
I'm not even contemplating it. It's one of those...if it happens...I'll probably pass out.
So, we'll see.
*concentrating on NOT hyperventilating*

If, however, I cannot go, I think I'm going to ask a fellow Oklahoma author to read a small thank-you note if I win. (Yeah. A girl can dream. *grins*)

Today's my cousin's 21st birthday. Go visit him. He's bringing sexy back. lmao
What a nut.

The chickens are doing well. We had a nightful of homework last night. OMG. My reluctant education continues. And there are term papers in my baby chicken's future. Yes! PAPERS as in plural.
Oh Lord.

Tonight is Biggest Loser and SVU. Good night of television. Making some chicken with a veggie.
Now. If I can just make it until 5:30 pm.
Grins*

Wisdom from middle chicken

Let me preface this with saying that when I had oldest chicken, we had a routine. Up at a certain time. Breakfast. Lunch. Nap. Dinner.
Then along came middle chicken (who at the time was simply second chicken. I mean, really. Who knew?).
Middle chicken is a night owl. Completely opposite, as far as her biorhythms go, to oldest chicken.
So when I say it's bedtime...guess who's dragging her feet?
Yep.

But this is also a rather neat time for her and I. If she's in the mood to talk, she'll come flying into my room and lay down by the bed. This is my cue. Middle chicken is feeling chatty.
Let the conversation begin.

Middle chicken is a lot like me insofar as the fact that she will jump randomly from subject to subject. This drives other people batshit. I'm well with it.

First we talk about good memories. Things that middle chicken misses from the old house. A walk down memory lane. Then she says that she can't remember being in my stomach. And that it's disappointing. Because she knows she was there. And she REALLY has no recollection of before the time her dad's sperm met my egg.
Yeah. lmao
She said that.

We then jump off into a discussion of Runescape (trademark this). Runescape is an online game playing venture that lets teens interact with each other like a little village. Think 1800's England or something of the sort.
THOUSANDS of teens play this game. My girls love it.

Middle chicken then proceeds to tell me that she's a lower level on the game and that one of the higher level guys kind of watches out for her and makes sure no one picks on her because of her lower level.
Then SHE took up the mantle, and a chickie (level fifty something) saw this and gifted my chicken with game jewels and money and whatnot. Middle chicken buys a bunch of crowns (we ARE talking middle chicken here) and proceeds to disperse them among the crowd.
One of the girls that approaches her asks if she can have one since she isn't cool outside the game and people make fun of her.
MC says that sure she can have the crown, but not for that reason. She can have a crown because she wants it. Not because of the other stuff. The crown is for her to enjoy. Not to wear as a shield.
The girl is impressed. She asks if MC is "cool." MC responds...I'm just normal. And then proceeds to give this girl a pep talk and explain that other people can't dictate how you feel about yourself. And if you feel good about yourself, nothing can change that.
The girl asks if MC will tell other girls this. MC isn't on very often, and she declines.
Fast forward.
The girl MC helped tells another girl what MC said. This second girl was being verbally abused about her weight. Second girl actually POPS (I'm NOT advocating this) thin chickie. Thin chickie holes up at her house out of embarrassment and begins eating non-stop. Second girl feels better.
And MC says...don't be happy with her misery. Now you're just like her.

Can you imagine?
All this wisdom in middle chickens little teen body. I'm amazed. Told her I was proud. Why, she asked.
Because, I told her, you said exactly the right thing.

There are days when you look at your offspring and glow with the pride and joy they inspire. This was one of those many days.
Grins*

2008 Resolutions

Ok, readers. Here they are:

1. Work on being healthier. I've dropped 60 pounds already. Would like to drop another 60. We'll see how that pans out. *munching on my baked chips*
2. Workout more. (Hello YMCA)
3. Join OKRWA. (I already know quite a few members. Know I just have to haul my cookies to the meetings.)
4. Write more. (And no. I'm not talking about blogging. lmao)
5. Be more active with the chickens. (I hope to God this doesn't include wrestling on my living room floor. *grins*)
6. Be more organized. (THIS is an uphill battle.)
7. Work on more promotion and networking.
8. Realize that I shouldn't be on the bottom of my priority list. (The Mama has needs, too!)

That's about it.
Wish me luck!
Grins*

Diverse Reading

I work around books. Yes, it IS Heaven on earth. *grins*
So my chickies are exposed to all sorts of literature. But they all have very different reading tastes.

I love romance. Um...obviously. lmao
But I also like to dip into Teen Fiction occasionally. Clive Barker. Stephen King. And I enjoy classics such as Little Women and Our Town.

Baby Chicken likes to read A Man Called Dave. She read the hell out of Junie B. Jones several years back. And she's at that in-between age of not quite juvenile fiction, not quite teen fiction. And she's so picky. Not that I blame her. Why read it if you can't enjoy it?

Middle Chicken used to read Captain Underpants. She owns all of them. You have to have a particular type of humor to enjoy these um...interesting books. LOL
Now, she's discovered Gossip Girl Books and It Girl Books. *eye roll* They SO don't tell you about this in the Mama manual. Now she has dreams and aspirations of going to New York.
*gasp* *wheeze*
She's killing me.
Oh! And a series of books about an English teenage girl. It has SNOGGING in the title. *sigh*
Thanks so much, J.K.Rowling. HA!

Oldest Chicken will read anything that has to do with High School Musical. *sigh* Yeah. That includes the Honeycomb Cereal box. Sheesh. Who knew? But she also devoured all the Harry Potter books. And literature with a magical bent captures her attention.

We've come a long way from Hop on Pop, Put Me in the Zoo, and Green Eggs and Ham.
And I'm sure there are lots more books to discover on the way. Worlds to explore. Laughter to share.
It's one of the greatest gifts I can give my children.
Now.
If only I can keep Middle Chicken in Oklahoma.
Grins*