Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Over my dead body

Sarah Palin wants my child.
She can't have her.

Oldest Chicken is in 9th grade. And yes, she goes to Upward Bound during the summer. And yes, again, college is not that far off.

We received our first college brochure yesterday. It slightly freaked me out. What really pushed me over the edge is that it was for an Alaskan college.
Hell. To the no.

She seemed pleased that the brochure came. And I remember the feeling well. It's cool for a place of higher education to show interest in you.
But if I have to kill myself and then put my last wishes in my will that she not go to Alaska (whatever the hell) U it's called...just brace yourself.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Saving my breath

I have teenage daughters. So I could probably just leave it at that, and everyone could draw their own conclusions.

I have decided, in my infinite maternal wisdom, that I will just let Meatloaf (the singer-not the main course) give my children life lessons.
Premarital sex? Listen to Paradise by the Dashboard Light. (I would certainly be praying for the end of time. That's all I'm saying.)
Not sure whether to say "I Love You" first? Give You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth a listen.
Young, teenage, and hormonal? Pretty much All Revved Up with No Place to Go.
Scared shitless of the "L" word? Two Out of Three Ain't Bad.
And in my top three...when you have to draw the Love Lines...I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That).
And yes, the answer to your unasked question is I downloaded Bat Out Of Hell off iTunes and am currently torturing my children with it.
I remember listening to Meatloaf on 8-track.
Yeah. You read that right. 8-track.
Good times, my friend. Good times.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Hibernation is key

There were severe storms here this morning. That was followed closely by pea-sized hail as I attempted to hurry my ass out to my vehicle. And snow is projected for this afternoon.
So there will be no "going" and "doing" this weekend. Oh no. There will be staying home and taking care of stuff there. Plus, I picked up cake mix and frosting. *grins* Because that's how it should be.
At least I don't live up in Oklahoma's panhandle. They're measuring projected snow up there in FEET. And they're pretty sure the drifts are going to be a yard tall.
Holy hell.
I love the storms. I'm not so fond of freezing my heiney off in late March.
Picking up cocoa and other necessities after work.

Monday, March 23, 2009

From dark to light

It was truly a craptastic kind of morning. The kind where everyone rubbed me the wrong way, and I didn't even want to be in my own skin. The kind where I honestly thought I ought to remove all sharp objects from anywhere near my reach.
But it's the afternoon now. Things are looking up. Went and tanned which I love. It's not so hectic now. And I'm waiting for an Oklahoma storm to roll right in. The girls are back in school.
And no one, I mean NO ONE, shall mention the evil summer break right around the corner.
After work I gotta run by the grocery store and pick up some stuff. Then home to exercise, torture the chickens, and see what I can find for dinner.
Yes. It's Monday.
But I think we're gonna make it.

My find of the day: Haunted Heart The Life and Times of Stephen King by Lisa Rogak.

Can't freaking wait.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Unbreakable Thread

I'm convinced WATS owns a piece of my soul. I love my other books. Each and every one of them. But I'm completely attached to WATS, and I want it just to be the most perfect account I've ever written.
No pressure, huh?
I only have about 20,000 words left. But I'm engrossed in this story. And I don't think I want it to end. Which is really not good for as far as sending it off to an agent. lmao

So I'll finish downloading my software and then open up my story and dive headfirst into a story that I truly love.
Excellent way to spend the weekend.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The gift that keeps on giving

Alison is an evil blond bitch.

She also happens to be the FIRM instructor that kicks my ass when I so choose to pop in my FIRM dvd and torture myself. Alison is perhaps a size 0. Maybe 3% body weight. And that smile (a GENUINE smile) she has while working out absolutely kills me. I think the dvd copyright is 2005.
Let's just say her sadistic ways are alive and well in 2009.

I used to work out with another FIRM dvd back in the early nineties. I think Sandahl Bergman was the instructor. Very low-key and mild. And it was actually VHS. lmao
I just now remembered. Wow. Times-they have changed.

But back to the evil Alison. How in the blazing hell can this chick smile, order me to do almost physically impossible things, and still not be out of breath? It's just wrong. And you can tell she enjoys it!
What a job. Exercise. Order others to do as you do. Get paid.

I still think she has a sadistic streak. And my aching ass agrees.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Names are powerful

Take my name, for instance.
Crystal. Inman.

Recently, at Staff Day, a prominent secretary sat at our table. We introduced ourselves all around. She looked at me and said, "I pictured you blonde."
I laughed. My reply? "I can be."
Then she chuckled and said she thought I was right out of high school. Fortunately, my Diet Pepsi didn't come out of my nose. But when I regained my composure, I had to grin.
Maybe I have a young sounding name. Not quite sure about that. But when introduced to people who have heard my name but never seen me, I'm supposed to be blond. Who knew?
I mean, I have highlights and all, but I'm a brunette.
And when I go tan, the woman always asks my first name. LOL
I think I'm the only "I" in there. But she just shook her head last time and said, "I just want to call you Ginger."

If I pick up a story with odd-sounding names, I give it a small chance of redemption. Then it's gone. I blogged before about J.R. Ward's names in her Black Dagger Brotherhood series. And while I stumbled over it at first, I've come to expect it. And how creative is she? lmao

Or perhaps people you know that go by a middle name instead of a first. My boss does that. And so does a co-worker. And there's a guy I knew in school that went by Sean simply because his full name was Eric Sean. (Say that three times fast, you'll get my drift.)

So when I read that MIA chickie named her child "Ickett", I said a silent prayer for the child and hoped all would be well. As for Gwyneth, "Apple" is cute. But "Moses" tends to be a bit presumptuous, in my opinion. "Bronx"? *shaking head*

A name forms an opinion of a person before the person is even seen.
As for me, maybe I'll go blond.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Spring Fever

Ok. I'll admit it. Every spring I have this romantic streak that rises up, grabs me by the throat, and surely gets my attention.
It's the flowers blooming and the livestock getting it on for my ride to and from work. By the way, equine sex, my girls do not approve. LMAO
(We have horses in the pasture behind our house, and they are feeling the love. That's all I'm saying.)

But spring makes me feel poetic and dreamy and like I want to run in a gauzy white dress amongst the daffodils. *grins* And for someone as down-to-earth as I am, it's rather interesting.
So I rented "The Romance of Astrea and Celadon" from the library the other day. It's French with lovely subtitles and whatnot. But there was talk of fairies and nymphs and such. So I picked it up.
I don't mind the subtitles. Not a bit. I read rather fast so I can still catch facial expressions and nuances.
But this romance was EXTREME!!!
In a nutshell, Celadon and Astrea's parents hated each other so they didn't want the kids to get together. Astrea told Celadon to flirt with another chick so life would be bearable for the pair. Well, he did. And then this troublemaker guy showed Astrea that her beloved Celadon and other chickie were together behind a tree.
So Astrea goes off and tells Celadon never to be in her sight again unless she tells him. All his protestations met with naught, so he replies..."Then I shall go and drown myself."
And he TRIES!!!
To drown himself.
Because Astrea broke his heart. And he didn't want to live without her.
I think I had to rehinge my jaw.
It was such a romance from another time. By today's standards...he would've said something along the lines of "Bitch, please. You told me to go flirt so I did. Now get over it."
There was also cross-dressing and a few other items that I think raised my eyebrows a bit. But what sticks with me is the fact that as surely as love can heal...it can damage when used as a weapon.
Those are my deep thoughts for the day.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's not my job

Hearing this one phrase come out of someone's, ANYONE'S, mouth drives me up the wall.
Case in point: Last night after work I had to go to the local grocery store and get a money order. So I walk up to the little counter and wait. The woman behind the counter is on the phone, and when she finally gets off the phone, turns to me and stares blankly.
I wait.
She finally says, the girl that works in the office will be back in a minute. I'll wait until she gets back, and she can help you.
I simply look back at her.
She pauses and asks, "What do you need?"
I needed a freaking money order for a $1.82 for an added finance charge from a place that wouldn't take my mastercard. So let me reiterate. A money order for $1.82.
This chick would rather stand there and make excuses than to punch in three numbers and produce a money order.
She finally acquiesces. I thought that was a nice change of pace from the blank stare and shuffling.
But seriously.
If it's not your job, then whose the hell is it? And what if it isn't their job either? Isn't there anyone who will actually stand up and do a little extra? God forbid. If I hear "I get paid by the hour" one more time for a coworker, I'm going to scream.
Yes. You do get paid by the hour. We all do. Get a little pride in your work, and quit acting like a whining three-year old.
You have a job. You have a life. You have areas in both of those when you will be asked to do crap you don't want to do in many horrible ways. But you damn do it. Or you should. Because guess what? It IS your freakin' job.
Now suck it up. Get it right. And get me my damn $1.82 money order.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Daylight Savings Time

The hitch is not in remembering to set my clock and the microwave to the correct time. The hitch would be Middle Chicken being on the same page.
I had to come to work early today because the redesign from hell finished up, and we needed to shift items back to their proper homes. No problem. So I woke up around 6:30 am, shuffled to the bathroom and took my shower. Got the chickies up around 6:45 am.
No one was enthused.
Including me.
And as Middle Chicken sits on the couch putting on her multi-colored eyeshadow, she flips the curtain open, looks into the dark and says...What time is it anyway?
Oldest Chicken smiles and says...Well, it's almost seven. But really it should be six.
Middle Chicken frowns and says...I set my clock back two hours.
Yeah. She set her clock BACK.
Oldest Chicken looks at her and laughs...What exactly do you think "spring forward" means?
Middle Chicken says...I don't know. But I just now turned my calendar over to March.
She shrugs and continues to apply eye make-up.
Cracked me up.
As for this weekend-spent Saturday shopping with the Chickens and taking them out to the Chinese Buffet. Mmmmmmmmmmmm
Sunday I wrote on WATS. I'm up to around 73,000 words. Yay!!!
My Easter lillies have bloomed in clusters around my yard. Maybe I'll snap a photo or two and post sometime later.
Enjoy the day!

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

My Impending Aneurysm

This redesign will be the death of me.
This morning was a cluster from hell of "move this over there," "move that over here," "move something even though you have no idea where the hell it goes and don't care."
I was SO all over the last one.
I knocked the living hell out of my legs while trying to move books. Those large size book shelf moving contraptions are dangerous. Let me tell you. Or if you were closer, and I knew you well enough, I'd just show you. LOL
And now there are self-checkout machines and all sorts of business that is new to us and our customers. So we're all trying to play "technology cram" so that we know what the blazes we're talking about in less than a week.
So I smoked a cigarette.
Yeah. You read that right. I, who quite June 15, 2008, had a cigarette. And it tasted like dog shit, but I smoked it anyway because I swear to God it was either homicide or nicotine. I chose nicotine.
And let me just add that it tasted like crap. I will sooooo never go back to that one. Ew. About made me sick. Lesson learned.
I was STILL rather wound tight so I went and tanned at lunch. The offshoot being that my lunch was a bag of Cracker Jacks, but still. Tanning is therapeutic for me. I lay there, bake, and ponder the ins and outs of my little world. I also needed the time out of the building. Because these four walls are tap dancing on my last damn nerve.
Okay. Enough bitching. Um...until tomorrow.
I saw, I swear to you, a 75 year-old man driving a Domino's Pizza Delivery car, and I am very saddened.
Help a person riding one of those little cart things in a grocery store unload their groceries.
If the construction guys knew what was good for them, they would seriously hide the hammers.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Book Coverage

Don't judge a book by its cover.
Yeah. Right.
People do. If it is TRULY a hideous cover then odds are that it won't be read often (at all). LOL
But there also, in my mind, is a place where a unique cover and title work wonders.
What He Wants has a HAWT cover. Yes. I spelled that wrong. For a good reason. And my inner literary Emily Post is having a fit. But let her.
However, this Torrid title cover came from a stock of photographs so it now graces other books. Which, by the way, sucks. And oh, by the way some more, it fits mine better.
On a slightly related note, I browsed Amazon the other day to see when the latest J.R. Ward book would be in my hot, little hands. Lover Avenged will be available April 28. That was the good news. The not so good news? The Mark of the Horse Lord by Rosemary Sutcliff has basically the SAME damn bookcover.
I am appalled!!!
I believe that anybody who has books on the bestseller list should have original artwork/pictures/ something!
So yes. The sight of a semi-naked dude leaning toward the reader with large tattoos on the shoulder is fairly hot. But finding several other books with the same picture is decidedly not.
It takes something away instead of adds to it.