Cowgirl Up OR Why My Feet Were in Stirrups

There was no horse involved. Stop reading here if you wish. *smile*

I don't dislike going to the doctor. In fact, I quite like my doctor. Usually we chit-chat, prescriptions are written, I'm on my way. But I put off my "well woman" exam for around two years.
*sigh*
I may have put it off a little longer if my insurance guy hadn't said something to me. And really, my Mom had a tumor that no one could see or feel so why was I being such a WUSS and not doing this one small thing???
Because it hurts like a bitch.
This may not be true for every woman. Some find it uncomfortable. Some zone out and go elsewhere. Me? I'm in pain the entire time.
I swear to GOD I felt the q-tip in the back of my throat.
So I get to the doc's. Sign in. Called back pretty quickly. Am shown to "the room" where the festivities will take place. Told to change and then wait.
There is a pink paper pile on the patient bed thing. I pick up the first piece. It is made out of that shit the dentists clip across your chest so that you don't dribble on yourself. Paper. But nice gingham like paper, if that makes sense. It looks quite like a pattern for a vest once I get it unwrapped and pray to God I don't rip an important part and have my right nipple hanging out the entire procedure.
That should be the least of my worries.
So I strip down and put this paper blouse on. Then I fold this lovely matching square and drape it across my lower half.
I am...not happy. In fact, I'm muttering "this sucks" under my breath the entire time. It seems to calm me a bit.
In comes the doc and nurse. I lie back so she can do the breast exam. No biggie. I thank the good Lord that though there is cancer in my family, it's not prevalent or pervasive.
The only issue would be that my lovely pink cover-up that is draped across my naughty bits keeps slipping. My doc smiles and jokes that perhaps they need to put a hole in it and catch it on my belly button ring. *grins*
After my breasts have been tucked back into their temporary pink paper home, I must place my feet in the stirrups.
*rubs temple*
I hate this.
I've had three children. I've had this exam done before. It doesn't fucking matter!!!
It is...hell.
Finally, I can remove my feet from those damned stirrups and sit up. Q-tip is labeled and about to be sent off to the lab gods. I can put my clothes back on and try to purge this office visit from my mind.
I live in Oklahoma. Stirrups should be good things. *shuddering* Alas...no.
Grins*

Hijacked by my subconsious

When I lay down at night and attempt to sleep, there is a process at work. I let go of the concrete--the day's events and schedules, and I say hello to the abstract.
Okay. I don't really say hello. I say...AIIIIIIIIIIHHHHHHHHHHH
Because my creative side deems it's suitable to come out and play. Everything the subconscious has filed and set aside while I deal with the real world and its problems.
I am, for want of a better word, cranially hijacked.
I love it.
Have you ever had to get out of bed after midnight when you went to bed at ten and couldn't sleep because you had to jot something down to get it out of your head? That would be a resounding YES!
Have you ever had a running dialogue in your head with characters who want you to write their stories? Indeed.
Ever just had a freeflowing train of thoughts that led you somewhere you were looking for but didn't know how to get there? Ah...bliss. *smile*
Sleep seems a small price to pay, doesn't it?
I've often said I get my best ideas right before I fall asleep. What's a few hours of slumber when your subconscious hijacks you and takes you places that reality can't touch?
Grins*

I am who I am

What possesses adults to take two names and bastardize them into one sickeningly irritating one?
Like Brangelina. Or Benifer.
My latest obsession is Andrew Lee Potts. (There's been no protective order as of yet so I think I'm good to go for now. But I digress.)
He's a british actor and just so happened to play "Hatter" in Syfy's Alice. A different version, of course, of Alice in Wonderland.
Brilliant.
Except when I want to go gaze upon his talented goodness on YouTube...some videos are titled "Halice" as in "Hatter" + "Alice."
*trigger gag reflex*
What do I think when I see the word "Halice"? Wasn't George Hallis (sic?) someone in the government or politics? And then I think halitosis. Hardly the pleasant feeling I want to be getting when I think Andrew Lee Potts.
Just saying.
Or even the hideous dual moniker "Brangelina."
They are philanthropists for the love of God.
It's not cute to slag two people together like that. Quit being so damn lazy and type out a full name. They are individuals. Treat them as such.
Have a little respect.
Rant off.
Grins*

Craving

I have the occasional yen for an ice-cream or candy bar. I don't do fudge or brownies. Too much...everything.
But my craving yesterday was entirely different.
I craved...a story. But not any particular story. I craved the Nora Roberts trilogy with the vampire in it.
I'm such a creature of habit on some things. But on others, I don't care what I did the time before or the time before that. I want it different!
It tends to drive some people 'round the bend.
(I get my jollies where I may. haha)
That is, in large part, my issue with TV/books/dvds. I've seen it once. I don't need a repeat. I read it three years ago. I'm good.
It, whatever the media may be, better pretty fucking exceptional for me to look twice.

But this trilogy, I didn't even have a name yet, beat a tattoo in my head. I had to have. I had to find. I had to READ.
So I thumbed through my bookshelves, and there it was. The Circle Trilogy.
*deep content cranial orgasmic sigh*

I read it yesterday. The trilogy. And it sated me in a way that only fulfilling a craving can.
That's what good books do.
*smile*
Stroke the imagination. Take us farther than our own four walls. Excite. Entice. Fulfill.
That's what I strive for my own books to do. For readers to crave what I've written. To take my hand as we explore characters and stories that touch us. To connect on a level reserved for that precious relationship between author and reader.
Ah, sweet bliss.
Grins*

Can you hear me now?

Sometimes I forget how far-reaching this blog is. How someone from another country can tap in a few words and find me.

It is...incredible.

*waving*

What do I have to say for myself? Way too much. lol

Work is a bitch right now. It's the busiest time of the year plus we're training on a database changeover. Imagine a buttload of women working their collective asses off while serving the public, training in their supposed "off-desk" time, and not killing each other. Weaker sex, my ass.

Personally there is a major transition with three teenage daughters trying to spread their wings while I'm trying not to let those wings knock me in the head nor clip them so short they are unable to fly.

I'm stretched thin. I know this.

I'm also writing the first book in a five-book series. Well, I'm SUPPOSED to be. Find me some quiet time, and I'll be yours forever. *grins* I'm also going to be starting a HUGE venture at the beginning of the year.

And did I mention that I have a book out now that I'm trying to pimp out??? Prepping for my oldest daughter's Senior year? Taking my middle daughter to Driver's Ed? Acclimating a beautiful kitten to the house? Retaining my sanity???

Well, something had to give. You guessed it. It would be the last one. :)

It's July. The month of summer vacations and relaxation and parties and whatnot. But it's also the month of driver's ed, work, writing, and shuffling children hither, thither, and yon.

So I tell myself to breathe. To enjoy the hectic, almost frantic, pace I have going on now in preparation of a time in the not-so-distant future when my children are on their own and, God willing, semi self-sufficient.

The irony???

I live for my girls and the writing. I would rather be busy than twiddling my thumbs and wondering what's happening next. By God, I will MAKE something happen. lmao

So give me the balls-to-the-wall mentality. Give me the self-imposed deadlines and schedules for three active daughters.

I can take it. Hell, most days I revel in it.

Because there is no feeling quite like accomplishment.

I can do it. I WILL do it.

(but I'm really looking forward to my vacation in October-hahaha)

Grins*

My other maddening children

Those would be the literary kind. *smile*
I have Warrior and the Sparrow releasing in June 2011. Then I've decided to publish my own starting January 2012. I have a five-book series started with complete story arcs and whatnot. So I'll release one every six months. Both January and July until they are complete. I am so excited I can barely stand it!!!
The only thing that I think I need are beta readers. argh
I have a cover artist lined up. Editors. Someone (thanks, honey!) to help me with the website. And while it will be more expensive for me to do this, I will have more creative and financial input. That...rocks my socks.
Grins*

Offspring Insanity

It's funny, all right. Until it happens to you.
Then it tends to lose the humor at a rapid rate of speed.
I have three wonderful daughters. They're beautiful, intelligent, and fun to converse with.
They are also moody, temperamental, and stubborn as all hell.
I have gone out of my way to try and be the Mom who is always there. Someone who will listen and try to help no matter what.
Can I just tell you it's an absolutely fucked-up thankless job when those lovely daughters became teenagers???
Having been one of those moody teenage daughters once upon a time, I can understand some of it. Everything is magnified. Emotions are on edge almost 24/7.
But I did NOT skip a core curriculum class. I did NOT skip any classes. I did NOT use my mother nor lie to her on a daily basis because it suited me. I did NOT choose friends over family (though my family was uber dysfunctional--there was really no problem balancing the two). I was grateful for what I had. I learned to amuse myself. I biked or walked to and from work because that was my only option. I took care of MYSELF out of necessity.
When, in the fucking blue hell, will my children pick THAT nifty little trick up?
Neither Dr. Spock NOR Erma Bombeck (God bless her) covered this in any book I've read.
I'm contemplating shifting my paradigm a little and branching out into non-fiction. Possible title being, "When to Put Your Footprint on Baby Bird's Ass: Fly or Fall, Sugar." Or, "You've Got Your Damn Wings--Now Flap!"
Grins*

I had forgotten

Life can be a right bitch sometimes. Bossy, intrusive, and demanding. Needy and overwhelming.
Mine has been all of the above as of late.
And I did, as I always do, the one thing I should never do when this happens.
I pushed the writing aside.
Damn it all.
In fact, I pushed it so far aside that my children and co-workers thought that I wasn't writing anymore.
That hurt like a motherfucker. Not going to lie.
I would still do my poetry purges. Pushing out the words just enough to lower the internal pressure some. Then I'd continue to make the day, week, month, year.
Here I was...stressed out of my fucking mind...and instead of writing (which is something I NEED), I'd push the urge aside.
Yes. I'm a dumbass at times. This would certainly be one of those.
I have a release in June. Then I need to start releasing books every six months or so.
Because I'd forgotten. And I can't let myself do that again.
Grins*

Warrior and the Sparrow

Okay. It's official. I am freakin' EXCITED!!!
My cover artist just sent me the mock-up for Warrior and the Sparrow. It will be released June 1st, and I'm beyond ecstatic.
This book means the world to me. Each book I've written carries a piece or pieces of me in the pages. It's inevitable as a writer.
We give. We bleed. We purge. We love.
And I love this book.
Willow, my heroine, is so unsure of herself. But still continues to give everything she has. And that speaks to me.
As a woman who has gone through extremely hard times, unfortunately one after the other the past year or so, I can relate.
Because I keep moving right along. Sometimes ever-so-slowly. But I try to keep moving.
On a panel once, I was asked why I write about Oklahoma women. And I replied because we can do anything. And I meant it.
But I also refuse to write the silly heroine who is more concerned about her toenail polish and hair than anything else.
I write about women who care. Women who give. And, like Willow, women who can change the world.
Grins*

Didn't meet Princess standards

My youngest daughter came home yesterday talking about the story of the Princess and the Tin Box. My middle daughter jumped all over the story about how disappointing it was and what a selfish, shallow witch that princess turned out to be.
It was fascinating.
I Wikipedia'd it.
Princess looking for a Prince...blah blah blah. Four rich Prince suitors. Fifth was extremely handsome but poor. Gave the Princess a gift from the heart. So she chose the third prince who gave her a jewel-encrusted box.
What a bitch.
Not only did you break the most romantic Prince's heart, but you have appalled the romantic readers.
Shame on you.
Sure, I would get on board the Princess is an evil self-centered piece of crap train. Save me a seat. But the most interesting thing was hearing my daughters talk about how horrified they were at the ending. At the Princess' choice.
What woman in her right mind would choose wealth over love?
Several.
And that's the sticking point.
We hold these fictional characters to a higher standard than most. They are supposed to be the epitome of right choices and love matches. But how crazy is that?
For those of us raised on Fairy Tales and Disney and Sesame Street...I expect we think crazy is choosing the jewel-encrusted box.
Grins*

Winter Weather

I've decided that I need either 1) undies made from dryer sheets or 2) to put said dryer sheets in my undies. But I think they would itch. *sigh*
The weather is making it to where I'm a lovely conduit for electricity. I walk two feet, touch metal, and lose a fingerprint. My hair currently looks like Nanny McPhee's BEFORE the children started behaving.
I am not, as they say, digging it.
I don't mind the snow. Not a bit. It's rather lovely. As long as it doesn't rain then freeze, all is copacetic.
But if I were to walk from one doorway to the other in my house, I could defibrillate someone. I'm scared to touch the handle on my desk drawer when I return to my desk for fear of stopping my own heart.
What is it about this weather that makes me transfer electrons left and right?
I don't know, but...BZZZZZZZZZZTTT!!!
ARGH
Damn it!
Anyone got any bubble wrap?
*grins*

Blowing away the cobwebs

Hello all!

*grins*

New year. New thoughts. All sorts of new. And I'm looking forward to it.

I could go on and on about all the shit that happened last year. The loss, the change, and the pain.

I choose not to.

That simple.

Onwards and upwards, my lovelies.

My girls, while still maddening, are healthy. My personal relationship is a magnificent strength. I have a job that I love.

I have a book coming out in June. *smile*

So goals for this year?

I want to be healthier for one. And why in the blue hell does this have to be so hard??? Why don't celery sticks taste like burgers? We can clone animals but can't tweak some veggies to be palatable? Our resources are being wasted.

lol

I want to finish at least two of the books of the five book series I've started. That means less FB and more sitting on my ass and writing one word after another.

I rattled off a cute little short story for the Honey the other day. It was over 1000 words.

This just shows me I'm squandering time and potential.

Forget that.

It's the last year of my thirties, you know. I turn thirty-nine next month. And while forty doesn't bother me in the least, it's a bit of a wake-up call.

There's no reset button. This is it.

My life.

My World.

Time to bend it to my will.

*grins*

My children are too nice

Who would have thought that this would be a problem?
Not me when I was teaching them "please" "thank you" and "excuse me." Not me when I was teaching them to show respect for other people's feelings.
But guess what?
All these attributes that I tried so hard to instill in my children are being thrown back in their faces by asschildren. Malicious, manipulative asschildren.
Now. Before everyone gets up in arms about my terminology, I will qualify it by stating that asschildren aren't born. They're made. By negligent and selfish parents. These children LITERALLY don't know any better since they're were raised by horrible excuses for human beings who should never have procreated.
What in the HELL is wrong with kids today? Where the good kids are verbally abused by the liars and users? Where half the time I don't want to send my kids to school for fear of subjecting them to something that I can't fix?
What...in the blue fuck???
Children are precious. Whether they are two, twenty-two, or fifty-two. Their spirits so easily crushed by neglect, harsh words, or apathy. And that child who doesn't get enough attention will leech it off of someone else and suck them dry.
I don't want to UNDO my beautiful children. I love them as they are. But who would have thought I needed to send them to high school in battle armor? Or try and teach them to be a bit more selfish with their time since they're the only ones who will be?
This parenting job? Not so fucking easy. Overworked. Underpaid. Stressed out. Embattled on occasion.
But the perks? Beautiful, strong children who know their own worth.
I'll take the scars.
*******

J.D. Roberts?

I love Nora Roberts' romances, and I love J.D. Robb's detective series. I am not, however, fond of Nora's crossover attempts by throwing murder and mayhem up in the middle of her romances ala J.D. Robb.
I enjoyed the splashes of paranormal in her romances because I consider that to be a subgenre of romance. But mixing up the mystery with my romance? If I wanted that, I'd pick up something else.
And I'll be honest with you. There are times I completely dismiss the mystery part of the In Death series for the scenes of romance and whatnot between Roarke and Eve. Rawr!!!
So what has prompted this? Why the need to muddy up the waters, so to speak?
I honestly don't know.
I do know that instead of Nora Roberts being one of my very few auto-buys that I have to actually read the premise before I take the time to crack the cover.
Nora Roberts=fantastic
J.D. Robb=superb
J.D. Roberts=not so much
Grins*

I'm cheap!

Well. Not like that. Well, maybe like that. But that's not what I'm referring to right now. *grins*
What He Wants (The Kindle Edition) is now on sale for $1.96!!! People! Go forth and snag it while it's on sale! I'm ranking right at 57,250 at Amazon which is nothing to sneeze at. *smile*
My Elemental Guardian Megabook (Four FULL stories) is on sale for $4.28!!!
You just can't beat that for books!
Okay. I think I've pimped myself sufficiently.
Have a great day!
Grins*

Let the good times roll

I signed a contract Saturday night for Warrior and the Sparrow. *smile* Haven't received the publishing date yet, but I will let everyone know. And then I received an email from the Sapulpa Library Director inviting me to come to her library in October to do a booksigning.
WOO!!!
I feel good.
It's so funny because I assumed that a lot of book publishing was like songwriting. Once it was introduced, it had a sort of short shelf life. I'm finding that my books are just continuing on even though I hadn't published anything new last year or this one.
How amazing is that?
They've found a secondwind on Amazon. Makes me happy. So I'll delve back in and make the writing a priority again with WATS and my five-book series. Have lots more in the wings that I want to publish, but it's so hard to find the time!
I think I tend to do better writing in the fall/winter. So that is something to most assuredly look forward to.
Oh...and the kids going back to school.
Grins*

Warrior and the Sparrow has a home

I signed the contract on Warrior and the Sparrow last night. *smile* I'll let everyone know the publishing date as soon as it's given to me.
One less thing to worry about. *grins*
Now time to embrace the next series I'm researching right now. A five book series with a strong thread that will tie the five together. Plus several other plots and subplots to thread together. Yes. A lot of work. But well worth it.
Creativity sparks a part of people that lights up their soul.
As for Warrior and the Sparrow...I'll wait for a publishing date. But I'll have to fill out forms for ideas on artwork and whatnot. Title information. And then *sigh* editing. This being my longest venture up until this point in time, 90,000 words or so, and I'm dreading the editing.
I love my people. There's no doubt. But after you sit with the same folks for days on end and fine-tune everything about them and everything around them, you're rather ready for them to stand on their own.
It would be like having your best friends stay with you for two or three weeks and spending every waking second with them.
Oye. Yeah. Like that.
At least I can take a break from that with my other people.
Grins*

Lisbeth Salander

Fractured but not broken.
I love this character. Love. Her.
Sure. She's "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." But she's also so damn complex. She's brilliant but socially inept. Her mind is amazing. She's been abused repeatedly but always maintains who she is. Never deviating from her own personal code.
I envy Stieg Larsson for breathing life into her. For shaping an incredible character who breaks stereotypes and survives on her terms.
I read somewhere that Stieg had planned a lengthy set of books for this series but passed before they could be completed. So I'll console myself with his works left behind and a character that has left an indelible mark on me.
Grins*

What Middle Chicken and I IM about

----- Our chat on Mon, 7/26/10 4:50 PM -----

MIDDLE CHICKEN (4:47 PM): Wanna know what i just realized? >.> the rudolph the red nosed reindeer song doesn't make sense.you know how when you drive and your lights are on you can't MIDDLE CHICKEN (4:47 PM): See because it bounces off the fog? The 'rudolph with your nose so bright won't you drive my sleigh tonight? ' part is just like that >.>his nose wouldn't help
MIDDLE CHICKEN (4:47 PM): Santa at all <.< so kids are being told lies all over north america O.O
CHRYS (4:47 PM): lol
CHRYS (4:47 PM): but....rudolph's nose is red. it would cut down on the glare immensely. wouldn't be like putting your brights on in the fog. >.>
MIDDLE CHICKEN (4:50 PM): Not the point.<.<
CHRYS (4:50 PM): so noted

What a wondrous weekend

I didn't work Friday since I had to work Saturday. And let me tell you, I wasn't much looking forward to it. But Saturday, even occupationally, turned out to be a good day. A lovely gentleman, regular customer, brought me fresh tomatoes from his garden. And my ex-coworker chickie brought me a Cranberry Limeade from Sonic, and we caught up for quite some time and laughed until my stomach hurt.
Then I packed up my stuff and headed for the Honey's as I am wont to do on the weekends. Dinner was made. Impossible cheeseburger pie and shells and cheese. And guess what??? As soon as I arrived, there was a beanie baby gecko! He looks JUST like the Geico Gecko. *grins*
His birth certificate said his name was "Gus", but I reject that. So I've renamed him Giles. Actually, Giles Geoffrey Gecko. Or Triple G for his homies. *grins*
Then after dinner, I was told to close my eyes and go sit on the couch. Which I did. Apparently it was Christmas in July. Who knew? Because the Honey bought me a laptop. *tear*
Let me tell you...I've had my other laptop for almost three years. The cord was starting to trip out and not want to stay in the laptop to charge which was stressful when I hit full writing Mode and didn't want to dick with it. Or keep looking down to see if I was charging to break my concentration.
So I have a wicked beautiful new laptop, and Giles, the Gecko who would rule the world.
No wonder I'm able to tolerate this Monday so well.
Grins*